Finally, it all makes sense.

I recently got very sick. I was in the hospital for about a week... then in outpatient treatment daily for 2 and 1/2 weeks. It was a very long, not fun process. But I learned an absolute TON about myself, and about what I need to do to be a healthy person, physically and mentally.

While I was at the hospital, the doctors discovered that I have bipolar II disorder. In bipolar II, the mania is not quite as manic, generally called hypomania, and is basically just an increase in energy, needing less sleep. But with Bipolar II, the depressive episodes are generally more severe than bipolar I, and last longer. In my case, I was being treated for only depression, and the medications I was taking was only making my symptoms worse, and also making me sick. While I was at the hospital, my meds were changed, to help balance my hormones, and to help stabilize my  moods more.

I've learned alot about CBT and DBT also. They are skills that practically anyone and everyone can use. They help you handle stress differently and kind of reprogram your brain so you can not worry or stress about silly stuff. They've also done wonders to help my anxiety.

With the new meds I'm on, and the new skills I learned, I feel more like myself than I have in years. And it feels wonderful. At the same time, it's still very new. And I'm having to take "baby steps" (I love What about Bob. I think I may watch it tomorrow) to get back into normal life. But I'm on my way.

I need some distractions (cause now Sarah Mclachlan is stuck in my head.)

In an attempt to try and distract myself from certain challenges I find myself facing...

Here's an awesome road a few miles from me...

A friend made the comment that he would absolutely send people MILES out of the way when giving them directions to his house... just so they would have to drive down "Bonerwood."

While I was taking the pic, I had to make a comment about the "angle" of the picture. 

I couldn't resist. 

My gutter mind wouldn't leave me alone until I said it out loud.

And now my mind is running wild with comments that I can't post.

So yeah, that's a good place to stop. 

When I die, I wanna die here...

That may sound a bit morbid... But the Narrows of the Harpeth are absolutely stunning.

I needed a bit of a break today, so I took the trip out there, all by my lonesome. 

 Even the drive into the park is GORGEOUS

 The water on the front side of the river was so still... the reflections you could see in it were amazing.

 I love these old stairs

 And these rocks

 Here is the first of the steep climbs up the bluff to the top. 

 "Sanctuary"... I wonder if they'd let me on that list too.

 Does anyone else see the Letter K in this next one?

 Next time I'll remember a pocket knife to add my  name

 More pathway

 I think this tree is awesome. Obviously... something has been trying to kill it... but it just keeps rising above it and continuing to live.

 The view from the top.

 The edge... I had an epiphany today while I was sitting at the top of the bluff looking out and down. I'm terrified of heights. TERRIFIED. And while the view is incredible, every once in a while I'd look down and see how high up I was, and my body would tense up, my head would start spinning, and I'd get sick to my stomach... terrified that I'd fall over the edge... which was absolutely ridiculous, because I wasn't even close to the edge. I was sitting on safely on a solid rock. I do that all the time in real life. Even though I'll be sitting safely on solid ground, I'll start freaking out about things that will never happen. Hopefully, from now on, I'll be able to better remind myself to not let my fear and anxiety get the best of me, and keep me from enjoying "the view."

 Happy Clouds. They were so pretty today!

 So... These pics are mostly trees, rocks, and pathways... If you don't like these things... Turn back now.

 I love this next tree. The branches are SO amazing. Even those this isn't what most people think of when they think of a pretty tree, I think the chaos of it all is far more beautiful than a cookie cutter pear shaped tree.

 and back down the bluff

 And around the backside... more trees, with the sun shining through. 

 some history on the narrows

 The "pond"

 And another fear faced... SPIDERS. They were all over the place. This one was a bit bigger than a quarter, and made me pee my pants when I almost stepped on him. 

 The waterfall... This is actually a tunnel. The Harpeth river travels around a 5 mile loop and comes within just a few hundred yards of itself. Years ago a tunnel was blasted out of the bluff. It's gorgeous. 

 Oh, and I made a friend... or not... This little guy made me POOP my pants. Not really... but seriously... I about had a heart attack when I saw him. He was bigger than my hand. No clue what kind of spider he is, but I was TERRIFIED.

 Tree trunk

Tree stump 

 I climbed up the side of the bluff... and this is the view while I was standing on top of the tunnel where the waterfall feeds out into the river.

I have no clue what this is... but I saw it on/in a rock. 

Shell 

Roots... I love roots. 

More roots... When roots are exposed like this... It reminds me of bones. Does anyone else think so? 

 The property on the other side of the river is Private Property... and there were some "good ol' boys" out there shooting. I about nearly pooped myself again when I heard the gun fire. but I think they were just shooting off some rounds for fun.

 Reflections

 And roots

 Today I went down a different trail, one I've never gone down before... and this is what I found at the end...

 It looks like something you'd see in a movie. I can't wait to go back and have a picnic there!

Anyways... I'll post more on my wonderful trip and experience later. It was a very beautiful day and I'm so grateful I was able to go. I can't wait to share this place with those that I love.