Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Only getting crazier

I am now a superhero.
That's right. I can create people out of almost thin air. 

Okay, so I didn't do it totally alone. The Hubs may have helped a bit.
So I'm growing another human being right inside of my torso.

That alone is a pretty amazing ability. But I also have a few others now. I can throw up an insane amount of food... food that I know never entered my body. I can also smell things from nearly a mile away. And I can either sleep through anything, or not sleep at all, in spite of how tired I may be. I haven't quite learned how to make that one work for my benefit, but perhaps I will at some point. 

Thanks to this person growing inside me, my hormones have been a raging!!! I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry at car commercials. I cry at Christmas songs. I cry at movie previews. All this crying, it's no wonder I've had issues with dehydration.

It completely 100% makes sense though. If I think Mirena made me crazy... Or worsened my depression or whatever... and now my body has like 400x more of those hormones coursing through my veins... It's a wonder I am able to shower, get dressed, and behave like a normal (though sobbing) human being. 

But things are looking up. I'm in the second trimester now... which happens to be my absolute favorite of all the trimesters. My energy levels are getting back to normal a bit. Though I'm still throwing up every now and then, I can usually eat pretty well and keep it under control. I can't sleep 15 1/2 hours straight like I did a few weeks ago, but that's okay. I plan on not sleeping a whole lot for the next couple years anyways. 

This morning was one of those dramatic sob filled mornings where I call my mama in a blubbering mess, one of those where she can't even make sense of what I'm saying. It's all just one jumbled sob. The tot had to have some dental work done. Having to see your child go through any kind of discomfort is painful for a parent. I sat in that waiting room for an hour (I couldn't be back there with her because laughing gas is not good for pregnant people) trying to swallow the knot that had formed in the back of my throat. I was terrified that one of the nurses or someone would say something to me and I would just start sobbing uncontrollably and they would think that I am crazy. I may need to mention that before they took her back there, Tot told the dental assistant (or whoever they are) that I am "weird." I didn't want to confirm it for them. 

But on the way home, the flood gates opened and I called my mama. How in the world that woman managed to do this 7 times is beyond me. This is only my 3rd but will most definitely be my last. I've had a bit of an issue with really being grateful for this child. I know that it is a miracle and precious. But I think with all the sickness and everything, I just feel disconnected. I know I will adore whoever this little person is the second I meet him/her. After all, I'm still amazed at how much I love tot and moo. This little bean won't be any different. I just have to make it another 6 months... but I can do it, even if I sob the whole way there.