Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Buried Alive

I have been in a funk for quite a while now. Usually they don't last quite this long. I'm generally able to pull myself out of the funk by now, but for some reason I haven't been able to yet. It probably has to do with my crazy schedule at the moment and this stupid cold I've been fighting for a while...

But I feel like I've been buried alive. And I'm suffocating. I can't hardly even think from one moment to the next what I'm supposed to be doing, and that has lead to either too much or not enough sleep and me hardly eating at all. I've always been the kind of person who only eats when I'm hungry, but when I'm hungry... LOOK OUT. I haven't been hungry in quite a while. I can go most days without eating at all, but I have to cook dinner for my family, so I usually will at least eat that meal.

I don't know what to do to pull myself out this time. Nothing is helping, and some things I can't do because of circumstances at the moment, like exercise. I can't physically exercise right now because I'm constantly on the verge of an asthma attack thanks to this stupid cold. I get winded from simply walking up and down the stairs... I'm not about to step outside in the humidity and attempt to go running... or walking for that matter.

I haven't been able to clean my  home... yes I can pick it up and keep the general living areas okay enough... but I cannot wrap my head around the idea of cleaning. There's too much to do and not enough time or energy or focus and it's all so discouraging... I just avoid it all together.

I don't feel like writing. I have to force myself to write out my daily articles for the website and I have no more words left over after those 2,500... and it makes me a bit sad because writing used to help tons.

I need something to look forward to. Something to pull me back in. But everything I think of only makes me more anxious and depressed. It may be a bit before I get back into writing regularly, but hopefully I'll be able to come out of this funk soon and come back to reality. I really need to.