Friday, January 17, 2014

Let's get funky.

Actually... let's not. Let's do the opposite.

I would if I could.

The winter funk is well upon us, and the sun is not set to come out for at least another 2 months. I've been trying to get out of the funk, but not very hard.

Actually FUNK is not the right word. It's actually been a MASSIVE bout of depression. I have woken the husband up a couple times over the past month, slightly afraid of where I was mentally at that moment. It's weird, not quite trusting yourself. And I haven't been fighting against it with all I've got... or maybe I have... but I haven't got much right now.

Insomnia is a horrible, horrible demon. The more he comes to play, the harder it is to make him go away, which is odd, considering how utterly exhausted you end up because of him. I lie awake at night and curse at him. All I want is to be able to lay my head down, let my body and mind rest... but Insomnia has other plans for me. So every bad thought I've ever had about myself comes CRUSHING down on me, and I toss and turn for hours.

A lack of sleep does wonders for your mood. Uh... wait. Nope. Actually it does the exact opposite. I hate everyone and everything. I have no patience. I can't handle jack squat! My anxiety goes through the roof, til I'm having a few panic attacks a day, and they're all about stupid stuff, but that doesn't make any difference. Opening the mail is a rough one for me. Nothing makes me need a therapist more than opening up the bill from my therapist. It's a bit of a conundrum.

So, I've read a couple amazing articles today, and a wonderful FB post from a dear friend the other day. They've all given me a little bit of light in this gray dull time of year. And tips to help me drag my butt out of it, as best I can anyways.

Of course, My platonic girl crush... The bloggess, wrote this  It's amazing. I highly recommend it. And this one too, from Wil Wheaton,  And that advice from my friend that helped so much... Do something you love. It's hard, when I get like this, to remember that I actually love doing anything. But there are a few things that I can usually get excited enough about to work on them. Making stuff is one of them. Sewing, crocheting, knitting, writing, painting... creating helps me tons. Also, exercise. When I get an extra push from the husband or friend to get my butt out there and exercise, it works miracles on my mind (and body.) Today, I met a friend at the Y and we had a great work out. My legs feel like Jello, but my brain doesn't right now, which is most definitely an improvement.

So, I know the next two months will be blah... but hopefully there will be some good moments in there as well, and this funk will pass me by. Hopefully i'll remember that, when the funk is all I can see.