Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Are the demons buried for good?

The husband told me the other day that I am me again. We saw a glimpse of me last year, prior to getting pregnant with the baby. Before that, there were tiny glimpses here or there, but the last time I felt "Well" was probably 6 or 7 years ago. At the moment, it doesn't seem like it's been that long that I've been fighting, but when I'm in the pit, it seems like much longer.

But for now, the demons have been laid to rest. 

One of my favorite bloggers posted about "Remission" today. I was thinking about how my issues are in remission at the moment. I'm doing good. I'm back to normal, and even without the help of medications to get me there. There are still good days and bad days, like any other person has. But the bad days aren't so bad that I'm paralyzed with anxiety and shame and guilt. 

In the past, the idea of "Remission" always made me a little bit depressed. Because the illness can come back. But what I'm able to focus on now, is that it doesn't have to! And, because it is in remission and I have fought it before, I can do it again. I know what it takes to defeat it. 

So, Are the demons buried for good? Maybe not. But they are for now. And I'm grateful that they are... even if it's just for a little while.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Building Hype... and I'm finally catching up

I've got a new project I'm working on. It's kind of in honor of my last year in my 20's. Just trying to get you on the edge of your seat...  building that hype up... It's not that cool. You can calm back down. I'm just excited, but not sure what others will think... but then again, I don't care really. It's for me... yeah.

And I'm also on Tumblr now. Took me long enough. But I only know a handful of people... so... yeah.  Follow me if you're on there. Or don't if you're not. Whatevs!!!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Finally, it all makes sense.

I recently got very sick. I was in the hospital for about a week... then in outpatient treatment daily for 2 and 1/2 weeks. It was a very long, not fun process. But I learned an absolute TON about myself, and about what I need to do to be a healthy person, physically and mentally.

While I was at the hospital, the doctors discovered that I have bipolar II disorder. In bipolar II, the mania is not quite as manic, generally called hypomania, and is basically just an increase in energy, needing less sleep. But with Bipolar II, the depressive episodes are generally more severe than bipolar I, and last longer. In my case, I was being treated for only depression, and the medications I was taking was only making my symptoms worse, and also making me sick. While I was at the hospital, my meds were changed, to help balance my hormones, and to help stabilize my  moods more.

I've learned alot about CBT and DBT also. They are skills that practically anyone and everyone can use. They help you handle stress differently and kind of reprogram your brain so you can not worry or stress about silly stuff. They've also done wonders to help my anxiety.

With the new meds I'm on, and the new skills I learned, I feel more like myself than I have in years. And it feels wonderful. At the same time, it's still very new. And I'm having to take "baby steps" (I love What about Bob. I think I may watch it tomorrow) to get back into normal life. But I'm on my way.